Open, honest communication as a community is the first step in helping our children - Photo courtesy of BluDoor Studios
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Coping with Teen Tragedy
By Tracy L. Southers, APR
City and school leaders are well versed in dealing with multimillion-dollarbrbudgets, capital projects and infrastructure issues. Teachers and counselors arebrexperts at test preparation, assisting with class schedules and monitoringbracademic performance. And parents are pros at giving pep talks, juggling extracurricularbractivities and keeping the refrigerator well stocked. But how does one begin tobrtackle the community troubles of teenage drug and alcohol use, suicide and mentalbrillness? The short answer: together.
Child safety in today's world is a multifaceted, mind-bogglingbrissue — one that entails protecting kids from on- and off-campus violence and peerbrpressure, and often from themselves.
Tragedy hit hard in Southlake this school year, sending headsbrand hearts reeling. On top of this, gut-wrenching national tragedies arebrforcing changes in gun control and school security. With so much difficultybrfacing us, we truly have a daunting task to take on.
But it's not the mass shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary inbrNewtown, Conn., that brought the issue of child safety to the surface in Southlake,brwhere it's now being addressed in public forums, during teen counseling groupsbrand from the pulpit during Sunday sermons. Six students have died in thebrCarroll Independent School District (CISD) during this academic year alone.brInclude the deaths of two CISD graduates last summer and the number grows tobreight. The causes of death range from accidental and illness to drug overdosebrand suicide. These are tough issues to face at any age, but they take an especiallybrhard toll on students, now grieving the loss of friends and struggling to understandbrwhy.
The always-important issue of protecting our youth has againbrtaken center stage. To solve these problems, we must get to the root of them asbra community. Drugs, alcohol and suicide are claiming young lives every day:
· brThere are 5,000 teenage deaths in the UnitedbrStates each year due to alcohol.
· brSuicide is the third leading cause of deathbramong youths in Texas.
· brIn Southlake, there have been 47 suicidebrattempts reported since 2010, eight of which resulted in death; 14 of thebrattempts were committed by a person between the ages of 15 and 19 years old,brand three of those resulted in death.
Clayton Reed, pastor of Southlake Baptist Church and chaplainbrfor the City of Southlake, has been on the frontlines of this battle — he has informedbrparents of a child’s death and spoken at funerals, and he continues to counselbrtroubled teens.
“Our doors are wide open to kids and families who are goingbrthrough hard times. We have to acknowledge the problem is bigger than us, butbrthe solution is not bigger than Him,” says Reed.
A SPARK OF HOPE
Often considered taboo subjects best handled behind closed doors, drug and alcoholbruse, suicide and mental illness must be addressed with open conversations atbrhome, at school and in the community. Leading the public education andbrawareness effort in the area since 2007 is Southlake Parents Against Risksbrto our Kids (SPARK), a non-profit organization founded by LaurabrHill, a Southlake resident and former city council member. Itsbrwebsite, www.sparknow.org, provides an extensive database of information andbrtreatment resources. Hill, along with Suzanne Maisto, works closely with CISD to determine programbrutilization and identify speakers.
SPARK has hosted public forums on manybrissues affecting teenagers including eating disorders, bullying, sexting, bingebrdrinking, date rape and online sexual predators. A three-part series held lastbrfall on drugs and alcohol drew hundreds of parents and included speakers frombrthe U.S. Drug Enforcement Agency, Tarrant County District Attorney’s Office andbrSouthlake Department of Public Safety (DPS).
“We are forcing people in Southlake tobrtalk about these issues and communicate with their kids. As a parent, you mustbrtalk about drugs and alcohol because your kids will be confronted with it — it’s just a matter ofbrwhen,” Hill states.
“If we touch one person's life then we'vebrbeen successful. The recent tragedies have brought people to a place where theybrwant to do something about it,” she comments, noting that she is now getting requestsbrfor help from students, not just parents.
This was evident Feb. 4 when nearlybr1,000 students and parents attended a SPARK meeting at Carroll Senior HighbrSchool about teen stress, depression and suicide. Initiated by students in anguishbrover a friend's suicide, the program featured Vanita Halliburton of Plano —brwho shared the story of her son's struggle with depressionbrand bipolar disorder that eventually lead to his suicide at age 19 — andbrdrew attendees from Grapevine, Plano, Arlington and other areas.
“Kids are desperately looking for waysbrto express sadness and deal with stress,” Hill points out, adding that withoutbran appropriate outlet, some turn their feelings inward and that can lead thembrdown darker paths. For some, the pain is too much. Convinced no other optionbrexists, they could turn to suicide.
Even confronted with the suicide of abrloved one, many find it difficult to openly talk about or grieve the loss. “Itbris much more acceptable to grieve publicly when a death is accidental. Familiesbrthink there is a stigma to suicide, and that they will be judged.”
Southlake residentbrAnnette Borkowski, whose son, Nick, committed suicide Sept. 29, 2011, now speaksbropenly about his death. Although she still doesn't have answers as to why itbrhappened, she is hopeful her story will encourage teens and parents inbrSouthlake to talk about topics that really matter.
“Perhaps because hebrdidn't show any signs that were recognizable, we were shocked by his death. Nobrmatter the age, we only know about another person what [he or she] chooses tobrshare with us. Nick's suicide might have been an impulse that couldn't bebrundone,” she contemplates. “We need to encourage our children, especially boys,brto put their feelings and thoughts into words and share them with others,brespecially adults. Keeping things bottled up inside is not healthy.”
Borkowski alsobrbelieves there is a “this won't happen to me” mentality for too many parentsbrthat must be changed.
“Our incomes andbrhouses may be bigger than those in other places, but we don't get a free passbrfrom life's issues. Depression, anxiety, eating disorders, teen pregnancy andbrphysical abuse are real and present in Southlake. It's time to stop ignoringbrthese issues and face them in order to make real changes in the lives of ourbryouth.
My hope is that nobrother families have to go through this. Everyone deserves to be mourned, nobrmatter how they die,” Borkowski states.
One tragedy that did bring a public outpouring of sympathy wasbrthe deaths of Paul and Mason Ledet, two CISD students killed in a plane crash Oct.br6, 2012, along with their father and uncle. A student-organized candlelightbrvigil at Dragon Stadium brought 5,000 people together to mourn. Students andbrteachers wore maroon ribbons for weeks in honor of the Ledets.
“Knowing people were praying for us was helpful. Nobodybrunderstands what it's like to lose a child until it happens to them,” saysbrDebbie Ledet, mother of Paul and Mason. “It's very important to me that no onebrforgets my boys.”
Ledet acknowledges the pain is never over, but likebrBorkowski, she is turning her grief into a message of hope.
“My purpose now is to help others — this is what gets me outbrof bed in the morning. No matter how the loss occurred, we must have compassionbrfor the family,” she comments. “I want something good to come from my sons'brdeaths. We never know what tomorrow will bring.”
REACHING OUT FOR HELPbr
Six student deaths in four months is unimaginable — no one could havebrprepared for this. But now it is time to respond. Leading this charge at CISD isbrDr. Becci Rollins, coordinator of counseling, who oversees 19 counselors acrossbrall campuses and works closely with the three School Resource Officers (SRO) suppliedbrby Southlake DPS.
“I've been here 20 years, and I've never seen anything likebrthis,” Dr. Rollins states, noting her team completed crisis-interventionbrtraining last October. “Students have experienced in a few months what mostbrpeople will never experience.”
According to Dr. Rollins, the mission of the counselors isbrto help students achieve their goals and still remain healthy. This ranges frombrcourse selection, stress management, drug and alcohol education, grief-counselingbrand the use of external resources.
“Our counselors and teachers have provided an amazingbrsupport to the students and families. Regardless of the cause of death,brstudents must be able to grieve and express their feelings in a positive way.”
Dr. Rollins, who has a doctorate in family therapy,bremphasizes the importance of parental involvement.
“Drug and alcohol prevention [directed at teens] isbrimportant, but parents must be involved. They need to know it is okay to lookbrin their child's room, computer, phone and car. We never work with the studentbras an island; we work with the entire family,” she confirms.
CISD also offers students an anonymous communication servicebrcalled Talk About It® to report issues to school personnel via text or email thatbrthey are not comfortable discussing in person. But if the information receivedbris deemed to be harmful to the student or others, the student is contacted.
“Students are afraid to call the anonymous number becausebrthey don't trust that it's really anonymous,” says Joey Litwak, a junior at CarrollbrSenior High School. “We want to help, but don't want to be a tattletale.”
Litwak, who was best friends with one of the students whobrdied last year and spoke at his funeral, says he would go directly to hisbrcounselor if he thought a friend was in trouble. He also believes peer pressurebris the biggest cause of drug and alcohol use among students.
“I don't think it's widespread in use, but there are certainbrcliques where it is,” he states. “It's a choice to say no or do it and ruinbryour life.”
Helping students make the right choices is Teen Lifeline, Inc.,bra faith-based organization that led a seven-week support group at CarrollbrSenior High School starting in January. Only open to students, it provided abrforum to share feelings safely and privately. Facilitated by an adult from TeenbrLifeline, students learned how to find and use resources, manage stress, and buildbrpositive relationships.
Pastor Reed reports he is receiving calls each week frombrparents seeking help for their teenagers. To meet these needs, SouthlakebrBaptist Church recently partnered with a local counseling agency to offerbrprofessional counseling services in-house.
“As parents, we make assumptions that kids will do the wrongbrthings, but we can teach them to make wise choices. We are actively trying tobrwork with our own kids and make sure they are well equipped to deal withbrchallenges we didn't deal with 30 years ago,” he explains.
Southlake Chief of Police Stephen Mylett has made addressingbrteen drug and alcohol use in Southlake his top priority. The department startedbra narcotics investigation unit last year; formed a partnership with the TarrantbrCounty District Attorney's Office juvenile crimes prosecutor; increased itsbrschool presence; and produced educational materials for parents, including anbreye-opening bill of rights.
“The role of law enforcement is to reduce crime and enhancebrpublic safety which we are doing through a variety of programs,” says ChiefbrMylett. “Issues like this don't happen overnight and the solution won't happenbrovernight.”
Surrounding communities are not immune to these problems andbrproactive steps are also being taken. Although Grapevine-Colleyville ISDbrreports no students deaths this school year due to drugs, alcohol or suicide,brthe highly publicized deaths of two Carroll ISD students from an apparent drugbroverdose occurred at the Grapevine home of a 2008 graduate of ColleyvillebrHeritage High School.
Robin Davis, who heads GCISD's Safe and Drug Free SchoolsbrProgram, shared the results from its 2012 student drug and alcohol survey thatbrrevealed alcohol to be the most consumed, followed by tobacco, marijuana andbrinhalants. A small percentage of students reported use of ecstasy, cocaine, hallucinogens,brand other drugs. The survey is done every two years to an anonymous, randombrsample of students in grades 4-12.
GCISD also recentlybrlaunched Friends for Life, an anonymous reporting system operated through CrimebrStoppers of Tarrant County. Students may text, email or call-in informationbrregarding bullying, violence, threats of suicide or other issues that need tobrbe addressed by police or school authorities. Davis confirms the student'sbridentify is not revealed to school personnel under any circumstance.
Likewise,brKeller ISD reports no student deaths this school year due to alcohol, drugs orbrsuicide, but has implemented random drugbrtesting for all high school students. This program is managed by its Counselingbrand Guidance Department, which includes a drug and alcohol prevention coordinator.
A COMMUNITY COMES TOGETHER
School safety used to mean crossing guards, fire drills andbrthe buddy system. Today, this has expanded to include metal detectors,brsurveillance cameras and armed guards. The issue of school safety is in thebrnational spotlight, and it has grabbed lawmakers and education administratorsbrby the proverbial collar. In response to the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementarybrin Newtown, CT, President Obama quickly proposed gun control measures andbrfederal funding for improved school security.
While most agree there is a bigger threat to students inbrSouthlake from drugs and alcohol versus a possible school shooting, a taskbrforce was formed days following the mass shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary thatbrincludes representatives from the City of Southlake, CISD, SPARK, localbrchurches, the U.S. Department Homeland Security, and a private securitybrcompany.
Southlake Mayor John Terrell reports the task force is inbrthe beginning stages of researching best practices and will eventually submitbrrecommendations to make the community safer.
“We are a safe city and school district, but you can't planbrfor everything. We are taking this opportunity to see what else can be done. Webrare always looking for ways to improve,” Terrell states.
CISD is tight-lipped about its security measures, resourcesbrand future plans, not wanting to jeopardize safety protocols. According to CISDbrBoard of Trustees President Read Ballew, the responsibility of district safetybrfalls to three high-level administrators: Superintendent David Faltys,brAssistant Superintendent for Administrative Services Derek Citty, and AssistantbrSuperintendent for Board and Community Relations Julie Thannum.
“There is a new public awareness about school safety, but itbris not new to us. The school shooting in Connecticut created a new reality andbrwe must deal with it,” Ballew acknowledges. “We have an annual review ofbrsecurity measures and work closely with Southlake DPS.”
Accordingbrto Thannum, the responsibility for school safety is a team effort, involvingbrindividuals that make up the superintendent's cabinet and other key centralbroffice and campus administrators, including school counselors and nurses. The district has been training its staff inbrschool safety and also draws on the expertise of security personnel in thebrcommunity.
One of the action items the task force is considering isbradding a SRO at every campus, but that comes with a price tag of approximatelybr$740,000 annually. Currently, there are three SROs in the district ̶ one at each high school and one that splitsbrher time between the two middle schools — at a cost of $283,000 annually thatbris paid for by the City of Southlake.
“Is there a funding source for this? Right now, I don't knowbrwhere it is,” states Ballew, referring to the $3.9 million budget deficit CISDbris facing.
However, Terrell states that if it is determined a SRO isbrneeded at every school, they will work together to make it happen.
“We have brought together a great team of thinkers who havebran understanding of the issues. The next step is to communicate our plan tobrcitizens and get them involved. It must be a community effort,” Terrell adds. “Thisbris the single most important thing I will have focused on during my entire termbrin office.”
It is the right of every person to ask school and citybrleaders what is being done to protect our children, but a better question is, “Howbrcan I help?” While the solution is not simple, the overwhelming consensus isbrthat this is a community problem and denial or looking the other way will notbrsolve it. It's time to act.
Tracy Southers, APR, is president of WordPlay, LLC, a public relations agency in Grapevine, Texas. The company's services include consulting, copywriting, marketing communications, publicity, social media and special event planning. For more information, visit WordPlay Texas or call 817.756.1233.
Photo Credit: BluDoor Studios