Relationships with Terah Harrison
Friendship forms the foundation of any relationship,bryet this absolute necessity is often the first thing to go when life starts tobrget overwhelming. Here's a pretty common scenario that might feel familiar tobryou. It's a normal Wednesday, and you're driving home after a long day at work.brYou get a call from your partner asking you to stop by the grocery store on thebrway home to pick up stuff for dinner. So you go to get what's on the list, waitbrin a long line to buy everything and then get back in your car only to fightbrthe traffic on your way home. When you finally stagger through the front doorbrwith your hands full of grocery bags, you aren't greeted with “thank you” or “Ibrappreciate you going out of your way to get this.” Instead, you get anotherbrlong list of things to do — pick up the kids from soccer practice, mow the yard,brclean the dishes, pay the bills. If your life at home is similar to this, you mightbrfind yourself avoiding your spouse and looking more to your pals for friendshipbryou aren't getting at home.
When life gets busy, itbrmight feel like you are living with a roommate or coworker. It seems like therebrjust isn't time to talk about anything else except what needs to be done. Thebrfriendship that used to be the foundation of a partnership can slip away sobrgradually that we don't even notice we let it happen.
Building friendshipbrmeans connecting with your spouse in both simple and complex ways. It can be asbrsmall as asking the question, “How was your day?” or as meaningful as askingbrabout your spouse's hopes and dreams and really listening to what they say. Oftenbrwe feel as if we know the other person so well that we don't need to ask thebrquestions we asked while dating, such as, “What are your goals in life?” orbr“What are you passionate about?” But these things change as we grow — you mightbrnot know as much about your spouse as you think.
Friendship involves havingbrpositive feelings toward your partner and giving them the benefit of the doubt.brYour relationship with your spouse should be a place of solace and comfort, andbrthe only way to attain that is to make an effort to think of that person asbrbeing on your side.
Long-term relationshipsbrhave a lot of old wounds that are reopened when we doubt the intentions of ourbrpartners, and we can be harder on them than anyone else in our lives. If yourbrpartner does or says something questionable, try to think of a positive reasonbrwhy they might have done it, then ask them about it in a non-confrontationalbrway: “What did you mean when you said (blank)?” Generally, we do not lash out atbrour friends when there is a misunderstanding or order our friends around, butbrwe often do this with our partners. Think of how you would treat a friend inbrthe situation, and try to do this with your spouse. Just taking five minutesbrwhen you get home to sit down and talk to each other about your lives, hopes,brdreams or details of your day goes a long way.
Terah Harrison is a licensed professional counselor and owner of Therapeutically Chosen, LLC, where she specializes in relationship counseling for singles and couples as well as matchmaking.